today has been a day of reminiscing. thinking about rg days, to rj days, to my childhood. its sad to be at this point, where you can refer to your childhood.

went to katong convent today to perform. they had a fashion show competition after our performance, just like the one we had on national day. hearing the girls screaming for their class. i realised how much i missed the class bonding, the class together-ness. i miss 202, 408. i felt everything fit then. haha, how we'd always be so enthu about supporting our class. that never did happen in rj. or at least for me.

then when i was sorting through my itunes list. i found the sun dance, rain dance and our 05 orientation dance music. brought back memories of orientation, both j1 and j2. dancing on stage with the ogls. eating prada with kazule. licia, serene, nina and hamster. its funny that the only one i still keep in touch with is hamster aka kory aka twin. wibowo! hahaha. then estrella. justin and brian. and nicole. grins. i think only when we were doing those dances, did i really feel happy i was in rj. weird huh.

i saw a picture from when i was 7 today. with my grandma. she looked so young then. all black hair. actually when i said there's nothing to hold me back from going overseas. it wasn't entirely the truth. there's this nigging thought at the back of my mind, what if i came back and she's not here anymore. family's not family without my grandma. she's probably the one who had the time, and could give me the comfort and warmth i craved when i was young. all i had to do was crawl into her lap. and fall alseep there, and everything bad would go away. she was my everything when i was a child. i remember when i was like 5 or 6, i wanted to get rid of my training wheels on my bike. and no one was free to teach me how to ride properly, so she taught me. and we used to go cycling together by the kallang river, one big bicycle and one small one. and there was one time she was so busy looking out for me behind, that she fell into a drain. back then till now, she supported me everything i did. she watched almost every single dance performance i've put up. she has quietly supported me. when i didn't do well, she never scolded me, just a big hug. and when i did well, she'd always reward me. she made up for everything they didn't give me. and i'm so scared my biggest fear will come true. which is why i still can't make up my mind about my unis.

the flowers are sitting by my computer (: and they're lovely.

i was just thinking about it. if it wasn't for ming and mel, rj outside of dance would have been unbearable. i think i'd have fainted on results day if it weren't for e 2 of them too.

i spent what i earned today for my performance all on cds -.-

: fields of gold :: sting :